Thou shalt not eate thereof

Sometime very soon I’m going to post some thoughts that are kicking around in my head concerning Prop 8, the state of marriage here in Massachusetts, Loving v. Virginia, and other topics related to the post-election fallout. But until I can organize those together, I’ve an immediate concern: my ANNOYING straight colleagues.

My next-cube-over coworker has a daughter my age who just became engaged. To a guy she met last year (I heard all about that too). They went to Disney for vacation, and my coworker had a plan to have flowers delivered to their hotel in the chance that he popped the question–he did, they did, and yesterday they went dress shopping. For a wedding in 2010. I’m looking forward to a full two years of alterations and decor news.

They’ve been cooing over pictures for almost ten minutes now, and I’m starting to feel seriously nauseous.

I’m sure if they were queer they’d be just as annoying, and the problem is really with the office job. But there are times when I feel suffocated by the sensation that I’m an undercover agent in the land of heterosexuals, even though I am so socially conforming in many other ways. And maybe that’s part of it: I hear myself going “oh, that’s really a great dress, are those pearls?” and what I’m thinking is “WTF?” because all of this pearls and lace and bridesmaids and babies and house-shopping create an image that in sum makes me feel so invisible. And frustrated, because what can I say? Your happiness is oppressive to me? What can I do? I want these things too, I just don’t want them like that.

One Response to Thou shalt not eate thereof

  1. backlist says:

    “your happiness is oppressive to me”

    that’s a perfect capture for how I’ve felt all week. on wednesday I realized that the sick senesation in my stomach was the way I felt when I knew I was having brain surgery…all these people are happy, normal and I pass, but I’m not happy or normal and I can’t tell them because no matter their compassion, they can’t care enough.

    every smile between couples, every chat with my sister about her wedding, every bidal commercial on the radio, they oppress me. and worse, I feel like they choose to.

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